Transcript - Episode 30: Stuff Is Supposed To Go Down Drains, Right? (Part 3)
Audio for Stuff Is Supposed To Go Down Drains, Right? Part 3
Stuff Is Supposed To Go Down Drains, Right? Part 3
Wed, Mar 4, 2026
“Push the Roll with Ross Bryant” is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.
Ross Bryant 00:00
So since we've come to that sort of interlude, let's get another title to kind of influence our run towards the end.
cuppycup 00:08
Did I sense some reluctance in that, Ross?
Ross Bryant 00:08
You do sense some reluctance, because honestly, there is a part of me that's like, oh boy, if it's a total non-sequitur, how bad are the gears gonna grind to incorporate it? But hey, you never know. That's the challenge and the fun of it. Let's see.
cuppycup 00:28
Roll up a d100.
Ross Bryant 00:29
22.
cuppycup 00:29
22. Okay, the-
Ross Bryant 00:33
Okay, okay,
cuppycup 00:34
No, it's very open. But I was trying to think, from your perspective, how you might incorporate this. But the title is from Morg or Morge. M, O, R, G, E, so let's say Morge, and the title is "An Unbidden Promise."
Paula Deming 00:50
Oh,
Josephine McAdam 00:50
Oof.
Ross Bryant 00:53
That's like promisingly vague.
Virginia Lee 01:06
Mmm, yeah,
Paula Deming 01:06
Yeah. I thought- that's where my brain went as well, yeah.
Ross Bryant 01:08
When last we left our friends somewhere down in the pool, some had gone irretrievably insane. One had just had an encounter with someone in the slide, in the pipe. But for now, let's actually go back to a totally different video store. A totally different strip mall. We're walking through the aisles. We are looking over the titles. We see Phantasm and no, there's Chopping Mall and Sleepaway Camp. And, oh. Oh, here's one I've always wanted to see. Now, this is one of those ones that got tied up in production. And I think it was released in America under one name I can't quite remember, but this is the UK restoration. And in Europe, this one was released as "An Unbidden Promise." And there's a pool with a hand coming out of it on the cover. Okay, rated 18? Okay, just- Oh, somebody's only rewound it to the halfway point. Let's see where we are.
Josephine McAdam 01:30
Oh, yeah. I immediately think of our little religious Esther and the promises she has made.
Paula Deming 02:22
Let's just start it here! [laughter]
cuppycup 02:22
Oh, man.
Ross Bryant 02:22
[MUSIC: melancholic guitar theme] The cosmos is a cyclopean infinity of chaos, infinite branching paths stretching off to vistas in the distance that will drive the mind mad. Shall we shrink in the face of all this? Or will we climb aboard the chaos and ride it to the end, letting chance guide the way? This is Push the Roll. We're rolling dice against your Patreon suggestions to create improvised Call of Cthulhu adventures in real time with themes of eldritch horror, the weird, the transhuman, the transmundane, the cyberpunk, the splatterpunk, the anything punk. We don't know until we roll. Anytime, anyplace, anything can happen when you push the roll.
Ross Bryant 03:22
Esther Jones comes splashing out into the pool along with the rest of you. Lawrence is still face down.
Josephine McAdam 03:32
Is Esther like, totally fucked up and bleeding or like, whoa?
Paula Deming 03:35
Think I was like drowning, almost.
Josephine McAdam 03:38
Oh, okay, okay.
Paula Deming 03:38
It was my feeling. So I don't know that, other than looking soaking wet and probably very pale and maybe like kind of dark circles now under my eyes, I don't know that otherwise I'm physically exhibiting signs of harm.
Josephine McAdam 03:42
Okay.
Ross Bryant 03:42
Yeah, I want to say that it doesn't look as though Esther Jones has been roughed up. It more so looks as though she has been sapped,
Paula Deming 04:03
Mmm. Yeah,
Ross Bryant 04:05
Drained, if you will.
Paula Deming 04:07
Oh, I've been drained.
Josephine McAdam 04:10
Yeah, I think because Finn failed the Sanity check, he does not catch Esther on the way out as planned. It's a real embarrassing moment.
Ross Bryant 04:20
Finn, can you roll Dodge for me to see if you can avoid getting absolutely cannonballed by Esther's body? [laughter]
Josephine McAdam 04:27
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Success, success.
Ross Bryant 04:29
Great.
Josephine McAdam 04:30
So I think Finn just dives out of the way
Ross Bryant 04:32
Just in time, and Finn heroically dives for cover as Esther face plants in the pool.
Paula Deming 04:40
I splutter up out of the water.
Esther Jones (Paula) 04:42
We have to get out of here! There's someone- there's a monster, there's a mon-, there's a demon here, and she attacked me. [wet coughs]
Paula Deming 04:48
And then I just start like coughing up water into the pool.
Finn (Josephine) 04:52
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Esther.
Esther Jones (Paula) 04:55
We have to get out of here.
Ross Bryant 04:56
Gray, horrid water is pouring out of Esther. It is ghastly to behold. Lawrence is still face down.
cuppycup 05:04
Yeah, [laughter] since Lawrence saved my life, like in scare quotes, I think Corey will try to at least turn him over and see if he can help him.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 05:14
Larry. Larry!
cuppycup 05:16
Not realizing his last name is Lawrence. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 05:20
Okay, you flip him over, and he looks unconscious. Now, you all had lifeguard training, as we've heard.
cuppycup 05:26
Yes.
Ross Bryant 05:26
Can somebody do First Aid?
cuppycup 05:29
I'll call over anybody with points,
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 05:31
Hey, a little help here?
Josephine McAdam 05:33
We should all try.
Virginia Lee 05:36
I don't know that I would.
Josephine McAdam 05:41
I have some? No, I don't.
cuppycup 05:44
I'm the base 30.
Josephine McAdam 05:45
No, yeah, mine is the base.
Ross Bryant 05:47
Sounds like you might want to do something else. Maybe, I don't know, but uh,
cuppycup 05:51
Well, I will um. If everybody's the base, I think Corey is just gonna try.
Paula Deming 05:55
I have a little more. I'm at 40.
cuppycup 05:58
You did just suffer the trauma in the tunnel.
Virginia Lee 06:01
Yeah,
Paula Deming 06:02
I am very, quite hurt.
cuppycup 06:04
Yeah,
Paula Deming 06:05
So if you would like to do it, I'm like,
Esther Jones (Paula) 06:06
[gasping] I could- I could help. [coughs up more water]
Ross Bryant 06:09
Yeah, you-
Paula Deming 06:10
You know?
Ross Bryant 06:11
You could probably hurl some of that water into him. Maybe that would be cool. [laughter]
Paula Deming 06:15
Yeah. Yeah, I probably can't do mouth-to-mouth if that's needed.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 06:19
Come on, Larry. Breathe, man,
cuppycup 06:21
Yeah, I'll give it a whirl.
Josephine McAdam 06:24
Yeah. So I assume we're all by the pool side at this point, right?
Paula Deming 06:27
Like, maybe pushed him over and, like, pulled him up on the side of the pool, yeah,
cuppycup 06:31
Oh, I rolled 31 over 30. So can I spend a point of Luck? And...
Paula and Josephine 06:35
Yeah!
cuppycup 06:36
...get lucky and remember some training?
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 06:38
I can program in QBasic, I can give mouth-to-mouth.
Ross Bryant 06:43
You do get lucky and have a flash of insight as to like you suddenly are like flashing back to a ripped collegiate lifeguard who gave you all training.
Lifeguard Instructor (Ross) 06:54
Remember, gang, gotta tilt the head backwards. Okay? Just a nice breath. Get that arm right under the solar plexus, and three quick pumps. All right!
Ross Bryant 07:04
There you go. And Lawrence kind of sputters back to consciousness.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:11
We have to get out of here. Me and Lawrence especially, we have to get out of here. All of us. We have to get out of here.
Finn (Josephine) 07:17
Esther. Esther, cool down. What's- what's- what's wrong? What's wrong? Baby, look at me.
Paula Deming 07:22
I look him dead in the eyes.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:24
There is something here. It tried to kill me. You have to believe me. We have to leave right now....
Finn (Josephine) 07:31
Okay, okay. Yeah.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:32
...Finn, please, I'm not making it up...
Finn (Josephine) 07:33
I believe you.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:34
I'm not crazy. We have to go. I don't think you do believe me.
Finn (Josephine) 07:37
No, no, listen. Listen. There's something here trying to hurt you?
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:41
Yes!
Finn (Josephine) 07:42
You point it out to me, I'll get it.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:45
No, no, we all have to leave. It's supernatural, Finn
Finn (Josephine) 07:48
Supernatural?
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:50
It's like a demon.
Finn (Josephine) 07:52
Oh, demon never scared me, baby.
Esther Jones (Paula) 07:56
No, I'm serious. Listen to me. You're hot, and I would like to make out with you, but not right now we have to leave.
Finn (Josephine) 08:02
Oh, okay. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 08:03
Make a Spot Hidden, Finn.
Josephine McAdam 08:04
Uh, no.
Ross Bryant 08:09
Cool. You don't notice whatever the hell it is that wrapped around your leg and pulled you back into the pool. The rest of you see Finn just like almost get sucked right off the ledge of the pool and splash back into the water,
Josephine McAdam 08:25
Thrashing around, I guess
Esther Jones (Paula) 08:28
Finn! Core, do something! Laurence, save him!
Finn (Josephine) 08:34
Help!
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 08:35
How many people do I have to save today?
cuppycup 08:37
And then I'll just jump back in the pool.
Ross Bryant 08:42
Finn, you feel yourself pulled down. And you can feel yourself being pulled towards the drain in the bottom of this pool. There is a slatted grate at the very bottom, at the deepest point of this pool, and you can feel yourself getting sort of sucked down towards that aperture in the bottom.
cuppycup 09:08
That's a real danger for Annette, who's a shortstack. [laughter]
Josephine McAdam 09:16
I mean, I try to swim, you know, try to swim against it. Try to fight it.
cuppycup 09:20
Don't say "swim." Try to get away from it dexterously.
Josephine McAdam 09:25
Yeah, yeah. I try-
Ross Bryant 09:26
Give me a Swim roll. The die is cast. [laughter]
Josephine McAdam 09:29
I can't think of like any other thing underwater surrounded by nothing, like where I could spin it.
cuppycup 09:35
I fight the drain.
Ross Bryant 09:38
Yeah, the things that you never put points into that are like, Swim and Throw and Jump.
Paula Deming 09:43
Yeah, right. And then suddenly you're like, "Oh no."
Josephine McAdam 09:47
And like, Finn doesn't even work around the pools. He works at the registers and like
Ross Bryant 09:50
Yeah, you work at the Bland Boy Burger Barn.
Josephine McAdam 09:51
Yeah. That's a big old fail. I do have a fuck ton of Luck. But I believe that Corey can save me. Yeah, let's just take a regular failure and Finn's just like, thrashing at the bottom of the pool trying to pull away.
Esther Jones (Paula) 10:11
We have to drain the pool. How do we drain the pool?
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 10:15
Oh, it takes too long to drain the pool. I'm going in!
cuppycup 10:18
I think that Corey, like, I think all of us probably have some form of a crush on Finn. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 10:23
It seems that way.
Paula Deming 10:24
I think that feels well established.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 10:28
Okay, Corey. Save Finn. Finn says I'm cool. I join the band. I become a legend. Annette forgives me. The town fears me.
Ross Bryant 10:35
Even though Finn's ethics over the course of all this have been rather questionable, it's pretty clear that everybody has a lot of tension with Finn which makes sense for the genre of movie that we're in. So great. Are you diving in to help?
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 10:49
Yes, yeah. Well, he was never good at diving. I think he might go in feet first, but then he's gonna swim downward.
Ross Bryant 10:55
In you plunge. Lawrence is still sputtering there on the rim, along with Esther, and Annette, you see Corey jump feet first back into the pool.
Josephine McAdam 11:05
I reach out towards him to like-
cuppycup 11:08
Ross, could we say, though, that I did grab like the pool skimmer, so that I have a pole that Finn can grab onto?
Ross Bryant 11:15
Absolutely, that makes total sense. You've got that pole. So Finn, you're down there at the bottom. I want to say that there are probably drowning rules in Cthulhu that I don't know
cuppycup 11:27
There are. It's 1d6 per round every time you fail a CON roll.
Paula Deming 11:32
Holy crap.
Ross Bryant 11:34
Okay, that's coming up.
Josephine McAdam 11:37
You're jumping in with the pole, as opposed to staying out with- you're gonna go into the pool of water and I'm gonna pull you down, too.
cuppycup 11:45
I thought of that right after I jumped in. So I will say that he's not the smartest. [laughter] He's jumped in, but he has this pole.
Virginia Lee 11:54
Great, great, great.
Josephine McAdam 11:55
Yeah, yeah.
Ross Bryant 11:56
I'm gonna say you just got brought down from the surface, so the first round hasn't begun just yet. You're down at the bottom of the pool. The pressure, though not crushing, is uncomfortable down here, your ears have popped.
Josephine McAdam 12:07
No, not my musician's ears.
Ross Bryant 12:10
But Corey is swimming towards you, skimmer in hand. So yeah, why don't you give me a Swim roll Corey to see how you close the gap?
cuppycup 12:19
Probably should have stayed on the edge, but yes, I'm gonna make this roll. Oh shit, I rolled a 76 over 20.
Ross Bryant 12:30
Okay, I want to say that that failure means that we've now spent so long in here that that's the first round. Make a CON roll.
Josephine McAdam 12:36
Both of us, yeah?
Ross Bryant 12:38
Just you, Finn. You went in first.
Josephine McAdam 12:41
Oh, just me. Yeah,
cuppycup 12:41
I'll just go up for air in between failing to save you every round.
Josephine McAdam 12:45
I succeeded 50 under 55.
Paula Deming 12:47
Oh, that's some good lung capacity. Because, you know, you're a singer.
Ross Bryant 12:51
You're a singer, yeah. You took a big diaphragmatic breath as you got lashed into the pool.
cuppycup 12:58
All the Seven Minutes in Heaven training.
Paula Deming 13:00
Yeah,
Ross Bryant 13:01
And Finn, I will say, from your perspective, it felt like drainage suction was bringing you down here, but something pulled you off your feet on the surface. And as you look down towards the grate, you can now see that there are tendrils of hair coming out of it, wrapping around you.
Josephine McAdam 13:24
I would like to take out my switchblade comb.
Ross Bryant 13:29
Yes.
cuppycup 13:30
[laughing] It's made for this!
Paula Deming 13:32
It's perfect.
Ross Bryant 13:33
So you won't be cutting through the hair, but you can give it an awesome new summer do. [laughter]
Paula Deming 13:41
Might be able to, like, wedge it between your ankle and the hair and get it off of you.
Josephine McAdam 13:45
Yeah, yeah. I am gonna try and break the hair with the comb, though. Let's still try.
Ross Bryant 13:50
And I mean, the fact that it is hair does make this seem apropos, doesn't it?
Josephine McAdam 13:54
Yeah,
Ross Bryant 13:55
So, yeah, why don't you give me a Strength roll?
Josephine McAdam 13:59
Okay. Strength is okay. Okay, I'm gonna spend 2 Luck points to make it a success.
Paula Deming 14:06
Yes.
Ross Bryant 14:07
Okay.
Josephine McAdam 14:08
So it's a 60.
Ross Bryant 14:10
The combination of your brawn and this comb, you're able to get its tines up underneath the hair around your wrist and forearm, and sort of yank, prise them loose as they were wrapping ever more around your body.
Josephine McAdam 14:27
Oh, terrible.
Ross Bryant 14:28
Corey, why don't you make another Swim roll to see if you got down there?
Paula Deming 14:31
Question, seeing what Corey is attempting to do, and knowing that it would maybe be more useful to have this skimmer pole put down there by someone who's not also in the water. Could I go "Corey, give that to me" and, like, run over to the edge of the pool and, like, try and take over?
cuppycup 14:49
Can we push it that way, Ross where, like, I kind of, like, hand the skimmer off to Esther from the water?
Ross Bryant 14:56
Yes. Okay,
cuppycup 14:57
Although I do think it's still fair for me to make a Swim roll to see if I'm like, surviving down here.
Ross Bryant 15:03
Yeah, make a Swim roll.
cuppycup 15:05
But I will hand the skimmer off.
Ross Bryant 15:06
See if you can navigate all this back and forth and coming up for air.
cuppycup 15:11
And yeah, I'm crushing it. I rolled an 11. We should have just...
Josephine McAdam 15:14
Holy shit.
cuppycup 15:14
...gone for the save.
Paula Deming 15:15
Oh, I shouldn't have taken the thing from you.
cuppycup 15:18
Yeah, so I'll survive. I'll swim very strongly to hand Esther the skimmer.
Ross Bryant 15:24
Great. You launch back up to the surface like a porpoise [laughter]
cuppycup 15:30
While Finn's at the bottom, like, "Why didn't you just save me?"
Josephine McAdam 15:31
Finn's just like confused, like reaching out. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 15:38
You've got the hand off. The skimmer is now in your hand, Esther. Finn, the hair is off your wrist and arm, and it is now that you see pressing against the grate beneath you, the face. The face. It is humanoid. The walleyes sort of bulge out at the rim of the grate, pressing against it, and seem to sort of push through it the way a balloon sort of can kind of force its way through a grating. It's as though it is material as it wants to be, as though it is fluid itself in a way, as she is sort of pressing her face up through the grate. Not her hair reaching for you now, but her digits as a hand breaks through now, groping for you. Esther, get that skimmer down there.
Paula Deming 16:30
I'm doing it. What can I use, like Dexterity or Strength to do it, you think?
Ross Bryant 16:36
That sounds fine to me.
Paula Deming 16:37
Great. I'll use Strength, because that's actually… I work out.
Josephine McAdam 16:42
Esther strong?
Paula Deming 16:44
Oh yeah. Oh yeah! That's a 24 under 65 so that's a hard success.
Josephine McAdam 16:50
Ooh... and if you spent 11 Luck,
Paula Deming 16:57
I could. Shoot.
Josephine McAdam 16:59
It could be extreme.
Paula Deming 17:01
I'll do it. I'll make an extreme success. He's hot! All right. I got 22 points of Luck left. Done. Extreme success, Ross. Do your worst. Let me save him!
Ross Bryant 17:13
Awesome. She's exerting some sort of power on you as well. Let's see if that breaks the grasp. Wow. You feel Finn's free hand close around the skimmer, and for a moment it feels like you're trying to lift up just a block of solid lead. The grasp that he is in is so secure. It is not natural. It is the force of a will holding Finn there, and it is hard to break, but extreme breaks hard. [laughter]
Paula Deming 17:48
Yes!
Josephine McAdam 17:50
Do I get yoinked out of there? Or what's the...
Ross Bryant 17:53
You get yoinked, I think. You're back on the surface.
Josephine McAdam 17:55
Okay,
Finn (Josephine) 17:56
[coughing]
Esther Jones (Paula) 17:56
Everyone out of the pool. We have to go. Annette, why aren't you even helping? Let's go!
Finn (Josephine) 18:01
Esther, you saved my life.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 18:04
You baptized him, Esther. [laughter]
Esther Jones (Paula) 18:07
Yeah, you can thank me later. Get out of the pool. We have to leave, please!
Ross Bryant 18:11
What do you think about all this, Annette? You hear leaving, I'll say, and like you know that leaving is not happening.
Virginia Lee 18:22
No, no, no. What's around? Like, is it like just a pool deck? Like, are there chairs, tools?
Ross Bryant 18:33
Yeah, okay, let me try to paint the scene a little bit more. You see the spout of the water slide you came down feeding into the pool that Finn was just lifted out of. Behind you are some pylons and chain that guide people who come out of the slide back out and around. And there's a concrete expanse leading to the back, over to the wave pool and the locker rooms that you cleaned. There are more water slides off in the distance.
Virginia Lee 18:58
I have an idea. It's kind of violent. [laughing]
cuppycup 19:03
That's the way!
Josephine McAdam 19:03
Yeah, let's go.
Virginia Lee 19:05
So how about like, what has Lawrence been doing during this whole thing? While everybody was being rescued?
Ross Bryant 19:13
Lawrence is on his hands and knees, just hacking and composing himself, unable to focus on everything but getting his respiration back.
Virginia Lee 19:21
Okay. While he's doing that, with this gigantic grin on her face, Annette is going to walk over to one of the pylons, the metal pylons. She's gonna [crrrk] it up. She's gonna turn it around like a fucking hammer, and she's gonna bonk right on the back of Lawrence's head. [sound of a limp body hitting the ground]
cuppycup 19:45
I just saved him!
Paula Deming 19:48
[gasps] Lawrence!
Virginia Lee 19:48
After she does that, still smiling, she says,
Annette McCormick (Virginia) 19:51
Nobody leaves.
Ross Bryant 19:53
Yes. Oh, dear, oh dear. He is totally distracted. Just do your damage.
cuppycup 19:59
Wow.
Virginia Lee 20:00
Okay,
Paula Deming 20:01
Oh my gosh. Annette has lost her mind.
cuppycup 20:05
A pylon is probably what like a d6?
Ross Bryant 20:06
Yeah, yeah.
Virginia Lee 20:08
Okay, so 1d6 I rolled a 3. Well, my damage bonus is 1d4.
cuppycup 20:19
Oh, poor guy.
Virginia Lee 20:20
The damage bonus is now a 2, plus 2 and then 3, yeah, so 5.
Paula Deming 20:25
That's rough.
Ross Bryant 20:27
He is slumped over, and there is a small pool of blood coming from the wound you have made on the back of his head. I think the rest of you probably see this
Josephine McAdam 20:36
Was it like, in tandem, that like as we were, because I feel like-
Virginia Lee 20:38
It was while all that was happening,
Josephine McAdam 20:41
Yeah,
Ross Bryant 20:41
You triumphantly extract Finn. Esther has heroically saved Finn from the grasp of whatever is down in the pipe, with the able bodied assistance of Corey Turner. Triumph, triumph! And then you turn around and see Lawrence brained on the concrete with Annette leering at you with a metal pylon in her hand.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 21:05
Annette?
Finn (Josephine) 21:06
What the fuck, Annette?
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 21:07
What'd he do, Annette?
Annette McCormick (Virginia) 21:10
[almost sing-songy] Nobody leaves. Nobody leaves. Nobody leaves.
Virginia Lee 21:18
And I'm just approaching them with the pylon still in my hand.
Finn (Josephine) 21:21
What about UCLA?
Esther Jones (Paula) 21:23
Yeah, what about your movies?
Ross Bryant 21:26
You hear the crackle of your walkie talkie. It's waterlogged and it doesn't work, yet, somehow it crackles to life, and that resonating static is picked up by the big horn-like PA system that is all over here, that's normally playing Kenny Loggins and stuff during the day here at Rippin' River, but now what you hear is
Voice from the PA (Ross) 21:58
Come into the water, love. Dance beneath the waves, where dwell the bones of sailor lads inside my saffron cave. [electric fritzing] Come. Home.
Josephine McAdam 22:26
Okay,
Esther Jones (Paula) 22:27
We have to go!
Finn (Josephine) 22:29
Esther, I think you're right. We got to get out of here!
Esther Jones (Paula) 22:31
We have to go! Corey, come on. Annette, you stay. That's fine. [laughter]
Josephine McAdam 22:38
Actually, I think more like the movie in this era would be Finn just saying, "We got to get out of here," as if he'd just had the idea for the first time.
Ross Bryant 22:50
You can hear all around you the other water attractions start, [pumps starting]
Josephine McAdam 22:56
Oh God,
Ross Bryant 22:56
Like, water begins to spill out of nearby slides, down little kiddie slides and tall waterfalls, little showers stylized to look like rocks and mushrooms begin to shower down into pools. The Snapper Slide turns on. Lazy Bone Lagoon begins to turn and the little life rafts begin to bob, and then you notice that figures are rising out of the water, falling out of the pools.
Paula Deming 23:28
Oh, no,
Josephine McAdam 23:29
Okay, yeah. Run?
Paula and cuppycup 23:32
Run.
Esther Jones (Paula) 23:33
We have to run, we have to go!
Finn (Josephine) 23:34
Let's go!
cuppycup 23:35
Should we roll SAN before we run?
Paula Deming 23:38
I'd rather just run, though.
Ross Bryant 23:40
Roll that SAN.
cuppycup 23:44
Why am I rolling so well against Sanity? 13.
Josephine McAdam 23:47
Oh my god! Why am I rolling so bad?
Paula Deming 23:51
I always knew the forces of evil were real, and I'm prepared. I passed my check.
Josephine McAdam 23:57
Oh god, I just came out of the water after having hair envelop me, so I failed. I failed 89.
cuppycup 24:05
And you don't need to roll, Virginia, because you're indefinitely insane.
Virginia Lee 24:09
Okay, I am already. Cool.
Ross Bryant 24:11
You're quite mad. Oh god, you're in one of your own films, as it were, perhaps you see the film judder in your peripheral vision. [sound of film reel turning]
Virginia Lee 24:23
Yes.
Ross Bryant 24:24
It's all a beautiful movie, and you're the star. You're home now, she has cast you in the role of a lifetime. But yes, there are, there are creatures in the water, there are things out there. And those- who failed?
Josephine McAdam 24:38
Finn, I failed.
Ross Bryant 24:39
Okay.
Josephine McAdam 24:40
I think just me
Ross Bryant 24:42
Those who passed, 3 points of Sanity loss. I'm sorry, that's 5 points for you, Finn.
Paula Deming 24:46
Oh no,
Ross Bryant 24:49
Let's get an Intelligence roll from you.
Josephine McAdam 24:53
Luckily, Finn's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
cuppycup 24:56
Don't you ruin our beautiful boy, Ross.
Josephine McAdam 25:00
Well, actually, it's a 50/50 chance here.
Paula Deming 25:01
Come on. You can block it out of your mind. You can compartmentalize.
Josephine McAdam 25:05
Oh, my God, I rolled so well! I've been rolling such shit up until this point.
Paula Deming 25:13
We were gonna make out later!
Josephine McAdam 25:16
I really get what's happening.
Ross Bryant 25:21
It's a Bout of Madness, a Bout of terrible, terrible Madness.
Josephine McAdam 25:27
Oh, good. Are you using a table or are you...
Ross Bryant 25:29
No, I like to do this together.
Josephine McAdam 25:31
Love it.
Ross Bryant 25:31
Let's flavor it this way. I want to flash back for a moment to Finn getting trained not as a lifeguard, but to be a docent at Bland Cabin, boring, old, Bland Cabin. You've heard the tales that Robert Bland was not some sort of founding father, but was, in fact, some sort of pitchfork-wielding maniac who killed his whole family and who knows how many other people.
Josephine McAdam 25:56
Yeah,
Ross Bryant 25:57
The docent who's kind of leading you through this talk that you were kind of dozing your way through in a hungover daze, a few things suddenly now swim back into your consciousness. This whole county is named Lancashire County because the Blands, like the settlers here in the 1700s were from Lancashire. They brought with them their traditions, their tongue and their yeoman ways, and they brought their folklore as well. And integral to the Bland's writings, this docent is telling you from the Lancashire County Historical Society, who wants to manage and keep up a good educational pretense here at the park, is telling you that one of the more obscure things about the writings of Robert Bland is that it's unfortunate.
LCHS Docent (Ross) 26:52
It's unfortunate that he seemed to suffer from some sort of delusion, probably the result of having lost so many members of his family. Children died young, then, of course, driving the average age down, because so few children tragically survived into young adulthood. But this, I fear, may have unloosed the wits of our noble pioneer, Mr. Bland, bringing, as he did from the old country, some of his folklore ways. He blamed their deaths on a creature of Lancashire folklore. Oh, yes, Greentooth Jenny. Jenny Greenteeth. A grindylow, as you'd say. Of course, he was sad, but the person for whom we pay homage today, succumbed to madness in his final years. But that's all old wives tales, you know? You don't have to tell that to everybody who comes here, certainly not the children. Now on to Mr. Bland's surviving son. They joined the House of Burgesses.
Josephine McAdam 27:53
It is all like going back into Finn's mind and
Ross Bryant 27:59
And you remember the face, the eyes, the gimlet eyes, the stringy hair, the green teeth,
Finn (Josephine) 28:07
Jenny. Jenny! Oh, it's Jenny. Esther, it's Jenny! It's Jenny! It's-
Esther Jones (Paula) 28:15
Who's Jenny?
Finn (Josephine) 28:15
It's Greentooth J-Jenny's in there-
Esther Jones (Paula) 28:15
Come on, we have to go! Just take my hand.
Finn (Josephine) 28:15
She's real! She's real!
Esther Jones (Paula) 28:15
I know she's real, but we have to leave! Listen to me. Listen to me! We have to go, run!
Paula Deming 28:26
But I'm gonna try and take him and go,
Esther Jones (Paula) 28:28
Come on Corey!
Paula Deming 28:29
And grab Finn's hand and try and start to run toward the direction of the exit of the park.
Ross Bryant 28:37
Great, of course, coming out of the Lazy Bone Lagoon are about five ivory, pale white-eyed drowned bodies. They are naked. Their skin is blackening in portions. Their hair is matted to their faces as they sort of stumble towards you. They're your family. You're already home and they are reaching towards you. They bar your way. The only way out is through them. Unless you have another plan,
cuppycup 29:15
We've got the pool skimmer!
Ross Bryant 29:16
Great.
Josephine McAdam 29:17
[laughing] Oh, shit!
cuppycup 29:19
Can we hold it like a battering ram, or, like, maybe horizontally out across the front of us?
Josephine McAdam 29:24
Like across us all,
cuppycup 29:25
Yeah,
Paula Deming 29:26
Yeah!
Ross Bryant 29:26
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, you're kind of holding it...
Josephine McAdam 29:29
I love that
Ross Bryant 29:30
...parallel to the ground and sort of rushing them like a linebacker.
Josephine McAdam 29:34
That's so cute. Yeah, can we all be holding it with-
cuppycup 29:40
Anybody who wants to run, yeah.
Paula Deming 29:41
Yes.
Josephine McAdam 29:42
I feel like Finn's just kind of between Esther and Corey, and is just following suit, is just scared, yeah,
Paula Deming 29:48
Kind of going through the motions like,
Esther Jones (Paula) 29:50
Grab onto this Finn!
Ross Bryant 29:51
Let's make a group Attack roll. So whoever has the lowest, let's say this could be a Strength or a Fighting (Brawl) to try to knock these water ghouls down.
Josephine McAdam 30:00
And who's got a lowest Strength?
cuppycup 30:03
I have 45
Paula Deming 30:05
I have 65 in Strength.
cuppycup 30:08
Is Annette participating in leaving? Probably not.
Ross Bryant 30:12
Doesn't sound like it.
Virginia Lee 30:14
No, you guys, run off and I'm just still grinning, just cackling and giggling to myself, just walking very slowly behind you with the pylon thrown over my shoulder. [laughter]
Paula Deming 30:28
Oh no, that's so creepy!
Josephine McAdam 30:30
Oh, man, is she still filming this? Is she still filming?
Virginia Lee 30:35
The film is in my mind, man.
Ross Bryant 30:39
Oh, by the way, if you look back and see Annette staring at you, you probably also see the unconscious body of Lawrence being pulled back into the pool and slipping under the water.
Josephine McAdam 30:52
Oh, no. Cup, I think you have the low Strength if you want to roll it.
cuppycup 30:56
Okay. Oh, I rolled 11 under 45
Paula Deming 30:59
Yeah!
cuppycup 31:01
Wow.
Paula Deming 31:02
We might survive. Come on, we can do it.
cuppycup 31:04
I'm rolling low today. This is-
Josephine McAdam 31:06
I know this is crazy for you, Cup.
cuppycup 31:08
Yeah, I know, right? Jenny, I've got your number,
Ross Bryant 31:14
Great. So that's an extreme success?
cuppycup 31:17
That is a- no, my strength is 45. If it was 55 it'd be extreme. So no.
Ross Bryant 31:22
Ah, okay,
cuppycup 31:23
I could spend it down to extreme if it matters.
Ross Bryant 31:26
Well, let's see. They'll do a roll to try to stop you.
cuppycup 31:30
Two points would give me extreme. I'll do it anyway, even if I don't need it. For flavor.
Ross Bryant 31:35
Great.
cuppycup 31:36
We have to save Finn.
Paula Deming 31:39
We have to save, Finn. He's too hot! [laughter]
cuppycup 31:42
As Annette and Lawrence are just like gone.
Josephine McAdam 31:46
The worst of us.
Ross Bryant 31:49
Okay, I know what level of success they got.
cuppycup 31:53
Okay, I did spend it down either way to extreme.
Ross Bryant 31:55
That's good for you. They got a hard success. You feel the weight of them, the dead weight of them, I think, rather disturbingly. Yeah, one of them is pushed down, but one of them, your pool skimmer, just hews right through. Their body is so soft.
Paula Deming 32:16
Gross.
Ross Bryant 32:16
It just comes apart, like soggy paper under the pole, you can just feel its bones buckle underneath your strike as it folds up on itself and still sort of staring at you with lifeless eyes. It crumples to the pavement. Roll Sanity for that feeling.
Josephine McAdam 32:34
All of us, presumably?
Ross Bryant 32:35
Yeah,
cuppycup 32:36
You won't believe this, Ross. I passed again. I think I've lost 6 in 1-point increments of passing every time.
Ross Bryant 32:43
Amazing.
Paula Deming 32:44
Yeah, I have also just passed a 12 under 45. I'm determined.
Josephine McAdam 32:51
Finally passed my Sanity check. Look, I'm between- I'm with my friends now, yeah,
Paula Deming 32:55
Yes,
Esther Jones (Paula) 32:56
We can do this! We can get out of here.
cuppycup 32:59
We're like true 80s teen movie heroes. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 33:04
You just all take 1 point of Sanity loss. Now, Finn, you've had a Bout going though, yeah?
cuppycup 33:09
Oh yeah.
Paula Deming 33:09
Yeah.
Josephine McAdam 33:11
Yeah, yeah, I'm in a Bout so I'm scared. That's why I'm not contributing beyond just following lead here.
Ross Bryant 33:17
Cool. You're the only one who hears, then, crackling through that speaker system, just this unending static and occasionally a voice dimly
Voice from the PA (Ross) 33:32
... my saffron cave...
Ross Bryant 33:35
But it resolves into perfect, unaffected speech now as if right behind you.
Voice from the PA (Ross) 33:41
[speaker feedback] I will be there in the lapping water, in the water of your bath, in the water you sail upon, looking back at you from every reflection, calling you home. You will come home to me. I promise you. I promise you, Finn.
Josephine McAdam 34:16
I'm just gonna say that I think Finn develops a phobia of water.
Paula Deming 34:20
Yeah, I did just now.
Ross Bryant 34:22
Hydrophobia.
Josephine McAdam 34:24
Yes, I feel like totally just develops that. I know that I didn't get a permanent insanity, but, like,
Ross Bryant 34:31
But yeah, that is what's in your mind at this moment.
Finn (Josephine) 34:35
We got- we- we gotta go. We gotta go! We gotta go! Now!
Voice from the PA (Ross) 34:39
My boy, my precious boy, come home to me.
Paula Deming 34:43
[singing] ...this little light of mine...
Ross Bryant 34:47
But you're charging, charging, charging towards the turnstiles. The turnstiles are right ahead of you.
Esther Jones (Paula) 34:52
Come on. We can get out of here!
Ross Bryant 34:54
And then into your path strides...
Paula Deming 34:57
No!
Ross Bryant 34:57
...the foam body of the snapping turtle,
Esther Jones (Paula) 35:02
Not Sally Snapper!
Ross Bryant 35:05
Sally Snapper, a snapping turtle with a big bow on her head.
Esther Jones (Paula) 35:11
Outta the way, Sally!
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 35:14
Dana?
Esther Jones (Paula) 35:14
We know you're not actually Dana!
Josephine McAdam 35:17
I feel like Finn just keeps pushing forward, right? It's just scary.
Paula Deming 35:21
Can we just push through? Yeah.
Ross Bryant 35:24
Great, great. I don't want to double jeopardy you. I feel like you already crashed through this thing with great success.
cuppycup 35:29
We're so good with the pool skimmer.
Josephine McAdam 35:32
Just thematically, do we feel like on the way out, are we passing by like, concession stand or something where, like, Finn can just smack the radio on to get some like rock going over the speakers?
cuppycup 35:45
Some Eddie Money.
Ross Bryant 35:47
That sounds like a maneuver of sorts. It almost sounds like a type of attack.
Josephine McAdam 35:52
This is really important. It's kind of to break Finn out of this, right? He's got to hear those tunes,
Ross Bryant 36:01
I think that this is huge, actually, that the way that she's kind of asserting her will is through all of these psychic manipulations.
Josephine McAdam 36:11
Okay, yeah,
Ross Bryant 36:12
And this is kind of fighting her in that territory.
Paula Deming 36:17
Yeah
Ross Bryant 36:18
Can you overwhelm her monologue that you've heard in her head with the music that you love, Finn?
Josephine McAdam 36:24
Yeah.
Ross Bryant 36:24
But this will require you breaking your stride, peeling off to the side, and turning on a radio to your favorite station.
Josephine McAdam 36:31
Yeah, yeah.
Ross Bryant 36:32
You can do this if you can make me an extreme success on a Dexterity roll.
Josephine McAdam 36:39
Okay. Okay, all right.
Esther Jones (Paula) 36:41
Finn, where are you going? We're almost out.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 36:43
No Esther, if anyone can do it, it's Finn. [laughter]
Esther Jones (Paula) 36:48
You're right. He's the best!
Ross Bryant 36:50
And I will say, because you're insane, you have to do this.
Josephine McAdam 36:54
Yeah, exactly. I feel like I have to. It's like,
Finn (Josephine) 36:56
I gotta get her out of my head. I gotta get her out of my head. Man. Ah!
Josephine McAdam 37:04
I'm gonna spend,
Ross Bryant 37:07
Okay,
Josephine McAdam 37:08
I rolled a 33.
cuppycup 37:10
That's not bad.
Josephine McAdam 37:10
I'm going to spend 20 Luck, because, as we established, Finn is lucky. This dude...
Ross Bryant 37:20
Yeah.
Josephine McAdam 37:21
...is very lucky.
Ross Bryant 37:22
Finn, gets lucky.
Paula Deming 37:24
Yeah, sure does.
Josephine McAdam 37:26
So spend 20 Luck to make that a 13, which is an extreme success.
Ross Bryant 37:33
Finn, tell me how you are destined to fail at this, but luck intervenes at the last moment and allows you to turn this music on.
Josephine McAdam 37:41
Okay, so there is, like the floor is slick because there's water, kind of like, sloshing everywhere at this point, which is really fighting against Finn but then he remembers this sick move he did on stage once where he just slid across it all on his knees to, like, really close the distance and like, and as these like figures are closing in, just goes right down on his knees and slides straight through them and almost like air guitars on the way.
Paula Deming 38:09
Yeah,
Josephine McAdam 38:09
You know?
Ross Bryant 38:10
[air guitar noises] Shredding,
Josephine McAdam 38:14
And then makes it to the counter, just like slams that radio on.
Esther Jones (Paula) 38:17
He's so cool.
Ross Bryant 38:21
Great. I'm there. At the Bland Boy Burger Barn the radio flips on and you manage to click it to just the right station, and awesome shredding rock and roll blasts out of it. You can see the heads of the drowned figures, some of them look like faces you recognize, teens that went missing summers ago.
Paula Deming 38:43
Oh, my god.
Josephine McAdam 38:44
Oh, shit.
Ross Bryant 38:44
Some of them look very old. Some of them look like they may be from decades ago. Some of them look like they may be from a century or two ago, standing up and walking out of the water. Suddenly, their attention shifts as they turn towards the music and are distracted briefly from their mission, and I think that maybe gives you a chance to jump the turnstiles and GTFO.
Paula Deming 39:09
Yes,
cuppycup 39:11
Bitchin'
Josephine McAdam 39:12
[laughing] Bitchin'
Ross Bryant 39:15
But of course, there is one member of your party who is not departing.
cuppycup 39:18
Lawrence. [laughter]
Ross Bryant 39:21
Well, actually, yeah, was he ever part of the party?
Paula Deming 39:23
Poor Annette
Ross Bryant 39:26
Actually speaking of Lawrence. If you turn back for a moment, you see him. His shirt is in ribbons around his body. His lanky body seems even more gaunt. His eyes are sunken and roll off in two directions, but he is kind of looking at the music, but then one of his eyes just swivels on its own towards you.
cuppycup 39:46
No, it doesn't! Oh, man.
Ross Bryant 39:49
And he is watching you. He's home. He's home. And I'll give Annette one chance to say something to our departing guests on their way out of the happiest place in Lancashire County, Virginia, Rippin' River. [laughter]
cuppycup 40:05
That's the bumper sticker
Virginia Lee 40:08
I say,
Annette McCormick (Virginia) 40:10
Y'all come back now, you hear?
Virginia Lee 40:13
And I just start backing up with my arms outstretched to my sides.
Ross Bryant 40:17
Yes. And as she backs up, you can see looming behind her, 15 feet tall, a woman, gaunt and unnatural, looming over her. Her hair dangling like the stringy, grotesque strands of a mop over her face and her eyes glowing underneath her soggy locks and her enormous hand closes over Annette's shoulder, her precious little girl. She's home with her now, as you will be, I promise you. Show me some codas. We hear that rock music. We cut in on Finn's ride, peeling out, [tires spinning on pavement] taking off into the night as the rock music fades away into static.
cuppycup 41:09
And in the car it’s just Finn and Esther, because Finn told Corey to just ride his bike home. [laughter]
Paula Deming 41:18
That night, if it's okay with Finn?
Josephine McAdam 41:22
Oh yeah, I'm definitely gonna suggest something with you. [laughter]
Paula Deming 41:26
Her purity stays intact. She is who she is, but they make out real hard. I think in the car they park somewhere.
Josephine McAdam 41:33
Oh, for sure. And Finn is a changed man, because Esther saved his life, and Esther's one of the only people who will ever understand what he saw and why he's so scared of the water, and sees her in a whole new light. And Finn turns a page and goes down the dark, dark path of Christian rock [laughter] as he devotes himself to Esther Jones.
Paula Deming 42:06
Yes,
Ross Bryant 42:07
Great. So let's get a coda from Corey. Let's see Corey...
cuppycup 42:12
Sure
Ross Bryant 42:12
...that night or days later.
cuppycup 42:14
Well, let's do like a decade later. Let's go into the 90s for Corey.
Josephine McAdam 42:18
Holy shit.
Paula Deming 42:20
Okay,
Virginia Lee 42:20
Oh yes, please.
cuppycup 42:21
Because I think that what happens afterward is that Corey feels like this intense guilt about leaving Annette there, and he goes back to the park pretty much every day that it's open to talk to Annette. So he's just like poolside talking to the water
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 42:36
Annette. I'm here. I didn't forget. I'm not giving up. I'm not leaving you. Show me where you are.
Ross Bryant 42:50
And yeah, when Corey, when you're there at the park, years later, and some teen security guard is like,
Security Guard (Ross) 42:58
Terry told you, you can't come back here. You're scaring people. Don't make me call the cops.
Ross Bryant 43:03
And you see Terry there, even more bald, popping out of the office.
Terry (Ross) 43:07
Hey, Turner! Get out of here!
Ross Bryant 43:08
And then shutting the door. And the water continues to roll in those waves in the wave pool,
cuppycup 43:15
And then maybe we even smash forward further. And you see Corey sitting in a federal prison cell, and he's just like rocking and muttering to himself,
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 43:25
Come home. Come home. Come home. Come home. Come home!
cuppycup 43:32
And then you see a computer monitor that says, like "Corey Turner arrested for the Jenny Virus" or like "Jenny Virus creator, arrested and charged," and it has, like, the list of charges. And then I think as it kind of like, as the camera zooms out from that monitor, you just see the CD drive pop open and it's like, wrapped in hair and water starts to spill out of the machine.
Ross Bryant 43:56
Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip.
Corey Turner (cuppycup) 44:01
Everyone needs to come home.
Virginia Lee 44:05
Yes!
Ross Bryant 44:07
And then when you're in prison, the park is shut down. It's a ruin, a place where kids go and spend the night for initiation rituals. And as it's reclaimed by the woods and the water stands in strange little pools and lagoons, as if there was a body of water here that preceded all this a little bend in the river, an old place, a shunned place, where passersby may double take, because they see a smiling face of a young woman back in the woods. But of course, I want to leave this like backstage. What is the name of your Christian rock band, Finn?
Josephine McAdam 44:45
Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. The original band name was The Velvet Firebird. So maybe it's The Firebirds Re-Risen.
Paula Deming 45:00
Mm, yeah,
Ross Bryant 45:00
And you can just hear you, see you at a dressing room table in a green room. Bottles of water are nearby, unopened. You're in front of a mirror with lights all around it. You can hear from outside the chanting of an audience [chanting] "Firebird! Firebird! Firebird!" as it sort of fades. And in this green room, like there are in many of these types of places, there's a shower, you hear the fade out of that chanting, and all you hear is the drip, drip drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. Because you know that no matter how far you go, no matter what bargains you make, something is coming. It promised you it would come. You didn't ask for it. It is unbidden. It is coming whether you want it or not, and the dripping isn't coming from the faucet. It's coming from the bottom. It's dripping up. Something's coming out. Stuff is supposed to go down drains, right? The end. [cheering and clapping from the players]
cuppycup 46:13
Wow.
Josephine McAdam 46:13
So good
Paula Deming 46:13
Incredible ending.
cuppycup 46:20
So creepy, Ross.
Paula Deming 46:21
That was such a good one.
cuppycup 46:24
Oh man, yeah, really nice.
Ross Bryant 46:26
Yeah. And now we hear like a "She's Like the Wind" knock-off cover playing as the credits roll.
cuppycup 46:31
Oh yeah. Oh man, that was fun.
Josephine McAdam 46:34
Oh, my God.
Outro Music 46:59
♬I don't wanna say goodbye, but the time has come for you and I, to try and put our love aside, for the long and lonely summer. For the long and lonely summer.♬